


All Then Most Then Some Then None

by Yana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, F/M, Fix-It, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Not Beta Read, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, also tagging, carry on makes a guest appearance, dean basically uses talk no jutsu on the empty, dean goes to the empty, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yana/pseuds/Yana
Summary: Dean goes to the Empty to find Cas. He is ready to fight the Empty but…But everyone deserves to be saved.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 134





	All Then Most Then Some Then None

**Author's Note:**

> Bear in mind I haven’t seen the last two seasons yet *coughifevercoughI’llseelaterwhenIdon’tfeelsocheatedanymorecough*, so if you see something not really in tune with those two then that was the reason.
> 
> Also, because I started writing this after 15x19 but didn’t have time to finish before the finale, I decided to stop writing. BUT THEN! Turns out 15x19 WAS the finale :’D A Bucklemming episode. What the hell is up with this timeline?
> 
> Also the title is a reference to 'The Night We Met'. Because once there was 'then why lamp?' and now there's 'why no lamp??!!!'

“Cas?”

Nothing, not even an echo was heard in the darkness. After all that noise and commotion, this silence was the most disturbing thing Dean had ever heard.

“CAS!”

He didn’t know how long it had taken for him to get here, to the core of everything. Seeing all those moments from their lives, from _Cas’ life_ on Earth, it had shaken him to the depth of his soul, giving him the kind of understanding that he’d always lacked in the past more than a decade.

_Shit… More than a decade…_

There was a lot to unpack. There was a lot he still didn’t understand fully, but there were also things that when looked at from an other perspective, when shown under a different lens, they now made _so much sense_. All those hidden truths, working behind the other’s back, but also making every decision for that one person… To walk head first into the storm of a higher being’s plans driven by a single but not at all insignificant thing called _love_. An Angel, a creature so powerful like him falling both literally and figuratively for a flawed human, making him his priority in every turn of events, abandoning his siblings and his home and his mission, rebelling against the system that he had believed in for in most of his existence.

In a way, a very huge way, it scared Dean. He was the driving force behind everything Cas had ever done. It was so unbelievable that he had this much influence on him. That he was someone who had the power to change a celestial being. And to think that he was loved by this being. This Angel. _Cas_. He saw him like nobody else did. For him Dean was someone worth saving again and again and again.

Dean had made countless mistakes in his life, some of the worst ones, the ones he still regretted the most, were the mistakes that were related to Cas. Not trusting him when he should’ve, betraying him, sending him away when he was the most vulnerable, leaving him, hurting him…

Regarding all of that, no wonder Cas had thought his feelings were not requited. There wasn’t a moment of happiness Dean hadn’t ruined throughout the years. He didn’t deserve all that affection, all those kind words, all of that pure and beautiful _love_.

He’d been prepared to live and die with all that regret and shame, the painful memories being a constant presence for the rest of his life. After everything he’d done that was the least he deserved as a punishment.

But he was now here in the Empty, looking for Cas.

“Dean” Sam had asked. A week had passed since Chuck had been defeated. “What did really happen to Cas? How did he summon the Empty?”

Dean had focused more on to the screen of the laptop. They’d been sitting in the library, looking for a case, anything, but the world had seemed to be in peace now. If it had anything to do with Jack, he hadn’t been able to tell.

“He just did” he’d said.

But Sam, maybe tired of all the avoiding and locking away emotions, he hadn’t been satisfied with that answer. It seemed now that they had their freedom, Sam had decided to not return to their old ways of dealing with feelings. And to be honest, it hadn’t been a good one to begin with.

“I don’t believe you.”

“What do you want me to say?” Dean’s hands flexed above the keyboard. He’d tried not to lash out. He’d always done that when someone was getting too close to crack his carefully built walls, getting too close to the root of the pain he was going through. Maybe Dean had been getting tired too. Being stuck in the loop of repressing emotions and bursting out, hurting the ones he shouldn’t could do that to anyone.

“The truth” Sam had said, leaning a bit forward, searching for Dean’s eyes. “Because every time Cas leaves or Cas dies, you’re always like this. You’re drinking, you get angry when he’s mentioned, and you try to avoid the subject like it burns you. And do you know what that reminds me of?”

Sam had shifted in his seat. He’d looked away for a moment, like he’d been trying to keep his composure.

“It reminds me of the time after Jess died.”

This had made Dean look up. Not just the glancing up type of looking up. His back had shot up straight like electricity had been channeled through his spine.

The comparison… It’d hit him like a truck, to be honest. Because if Sam had been comparing Dean’s… grief to his own he had felt when losing the love of his life then that had to mean…

Then Sam had meant…

“I remember how angry I was at everything” Sam had continued. “The demons, the monsters, the whole world… But mostly I was angry at myself. Because what if I had done something differently? What if one small decision would’ve changed everything and Jess would be still alive today?” Sam had shaken his head, his eyes welling up with tears. “I sometimes imagine what my life would be like with her right now. We would be married by now, have kids…”

Dean had dropped his gaze with shame.

“Sam, I—”

“No” Sam had cut in firmly. “I didn’t bring this up to make you feel even more miserable. I may have blamed you a long time ago, but I know it wasn’t you.” Sam had rubbed his eyes before he continued. “Grief can be an ugly beast, especially when someone really important to us was taken away. It can take so long until it finally eases. It never leaves, but there’s a time when you can live a happy life along with it. I think that time finally came for me.” He’d paused for a moment, eyes going unfocused for a moment before he looked back at Dean. “But I can’t go on with my life while you still grieve like this.”

Dean had shaken his head slowly.

“Sam, you shouldn’t—” he’d started but Sam had once again interrupted him.

“No, I should. Because unlike Jess, we can still bring Cas back.”

Dean had felt coldness spreading through his body. His hands had trembled and he’d quickly settled them next to the laptop before he’d done anything mindless. Like slamming it shut and breaking it. But he’d been better than this. Cas had said so.

“No” he whispered.

Sam hesitated for only a moment before he reached over the table to put a hand on Dean’s arm.

“What do you mean by no?”

Dean bit his lower lip. Breaking out of the loop this or that, he still hadn’t reached the point to reveal everything inside him that freely. That would still take some time, he’d guessed.

“He can’t come back” he said. All that sadness he’d felt inside him had been about to spill over and drown him in it. “He made a deal with the Empty. Jack’s life for his own. It would take him the moment he felt true happiness.”

But once the dam had a crack in it, it wouldn’t take long for the water to break through. And Dean had felt that every word he’d said, every emotion he’d tried to hide his whole life, those had been the last push his own dam had needed to fall down.

“Billie wanted to kill me so Cas summoned the Empty. Do you know how? He confessed to me. Just saying it out loud brought him true happiness because he never expected it to be—”

He’d had to shut his mouth at that point. His eyes had been closed for a while, not wanting to see the mist of his tears blurring his vision. He’d still felt his cheeks getting damper.

“Everyone is back, everyone erased by Chuck. I was…” He’d taken a shaky breath. “I hoped, I _believed_ Cas would be back here when we arrived. And I thought it would be awkward for a while, Cas confessed then died then would suddenly be back from the dead. Of course it would be awkward and knowing the guy he would apologize and say that it’s okay if I forgot about what he said. And I also thought that I…” A new rush of tears had run down his face but he hadn’t bothered to wipe them off. “I wanted to say so many things to him, Sammy. So many things I should’ve said a long time ago.”

“But he wasn’t here” he’d said with a lower voice after a while. He’d tried to ignore how weak he’d sounded. “He didn’t come back. If he could, Jack would’ve brought Cas back. He didn’t, so he can’t. Cas can’t come back.”

He hadn’t heard anything for a long while. That had to be a lot to take in. Dean doubted he’d even processed all of it already. He’d doubted that.

Finally, he’d heard a chair sliding slowly on the floor. The hand on his arm had been gone and he’d heard footsteps approaching him then stopping. He’d heard knees cracking which would’ve made him laugh at Sam for how old he’d been getting in any other day, but it hadn’t been any other day. It hadn’t been for a long while.

“Dean” Sam had started with a careful tone. His hand had been back on Dean’s arm. “Do you remember what Jack said? Chuck got too involved and that’s why he failed. If Jack brought Cas back, he would be the same as Chuck, meddling with all of our lives. Jack doesn’t want to influence us at all, he’s giving us the choice to choose our path ourselves. He wants us to earn every small and big victory we can have. To earn it on our own.”

Sam had squeezed his arm.

“Dean. Answer me honestly. Do you want to bring Cas back?”

_Had he wanted to bring Cas back?_

Cas who had been the best friend he’d ever had? The one who had saved him from Hell and so many times after that in the past years? The one who had always believed in him no matter how many times Dean had messed up? The one who had _loved_ him with all the good and the bad?

Dean had pulled his free hand down his face, finally opening his eyes and looking at his brother.

“Of course.”

A smile had spread on Sam’s face.

“You always did everything for me. You never gave up on me. Now I want to do the same for you. I’m not giving up on you when there’s a chance we can do something. You deserve your own happiness, Dean.”

It had taken some time to find a spell that would take them to the Empty. Eileen had shown up along the way, providing them an extra pair of hands and eyes in their research. Dean had tried not to let that stab in his heart make him bitter every time he had seen Sam and Eileen talk to each other, stand next to each other, giving glances to each other. He honestly had. He’d been happy for his brother to finally find the happiness he’d always deserved.

_But…_

No, he’d had to focus on his task now. He’d had to work for his own happiness.

One their twenty-first day of researching they had finally found a spell in an old dusty wooden box accompanied by some feral ghost. Which had been taken care of by Eileen and what a damn sight that had been to witness. Dean had been sure Sam had been that close to propose to her right then and there. Once the spell had been in their hands gathering the ingredients had been tricky but they’d managed.

Only the last one had given Dean a pause.

He’d looked down at the jacket in his hands, folded in a way so he could see the bloody handprint on the shoulder. This had been the last part of Cas he still had. A reminder of the day more than a decade ago when he had been raised from Hell by him ordered by a higher power who had had too much fun messing with their lives. And it had been a proof of the unpredictable force that had been Cas and his habit of messing up said higher power’s plans.

And now they had had to destroy this for the spell to work. Dean had needed to sacrifice this last part of Cas so they could save him.

And if they couldn’t save him, he would lose this last reminder that Cas had been here, changing their lives, _Dean’s life_ , forever.

“Dean.”

Dean had steeled himself and threw the jacket into the fire.

It hadn’t been about losing a memento.

It had been about doing everything he could to get his best friend back.

Nervousness had settled in Dean’s stomach as the fire had turned into blue then black. The sigil on the wall had flared up, the same wall the Empty had appeared to take Cas away, and a portal had opened up with all its black gooeyness. One last check on their weapons and they’d been ready to go.

“Remember, the Empty is not for humans” Eileen had said, standing by the fire with two golden cups in her hands. “Once it catches you, you will be ejected and I don’t think you can go back. We have this one chance.”

Dean had taken a deep breath. No pressure. They had to do this on the first try, no failure accepted.

Cas had deserved them giving their best for him.

“Let’s do it.”

Dean had taken one of the cups and downed the liquid inside it. He’d almost thrown up right there.

“Ready when you’re ready” he’d said.

Sam had had his hand on his mouth, face getting green for a hot moment, but he’d taken a deep breath and turned to the portal.

“Ready.”

“Good luck” Eileen had told them and squeezed Sam’s hand one last time before Dean and Sam had stepped forward at the same time, entering the portal to the Empty.

After seeing countless past events, after seeing countless familiar faces, after fighting off countless obstacles along their journey down memory lane, here Dean stood, all alone in the eternal darkness. Sam had held back their attackers, urging him to go on without him.

“I’ll be fine!” he had said, grunting as he’d thrown back one of the creatures. “Go get Cas!”

Dean had turned to the doorway and ran towards it. He’d repeated in his head like a broken record that Sam would be fine, the Empty would only eject him. He would be fine, he would be fine…

“CAS!” Dean shouted for the tenth, hundredth, thousandth time since he arrived here.

Nothing.

There was literally nothing at all.

He didn’t know how much time had passed since he arrived here. He didn’t know how many miles he had walked already. Dean just kept going forward – if it could be called forward – not letting this place play tricks to his mind with the nothingness.

“CAS!”

The rumbling that came made Dean jump after only hearing his own voice in this place.

His heart was hammering in his chest with both fright and a sudden surge of excitement because finally, _finally_ , something happened in this endless nothingness.

Dean adjusted his grip on his blade and turned around.

In the middle of the nothing was a wooden door.

A barn door.

Dean took a look around, trying to find any indication that it was some kind of a trap. But everything was the same wound him. Nothing was there but the door standing in the middle of darkness. He could hear grunts coming from the other side of that door, like somebody was fighting.

He had no better options. Or rather any other options. He needed to see what was going on in there.

The door easily opened with one light push. Moonlight shone through the dirty little windows to the left and the whole place smelled like it hadn’t been used in decades.

And there was him and Sam fighting with some guys with some weird masks on.

Well, it wasn’t really him fighting. He didn’t remember ever fighting with these guys in the past. One of them was the size of the barn door he’d just entered through and he was pushing this other Dean backwards and…

The other Dean was pushed against a column and the nail sticking out of it impaled him through the back. There was a startled grunt coming from the other Dean.

The real Dean meanwhile had to check his own back to make sure he wasn’t impaled himself.

“How many times do you want me to see this?”

Dean actually jumped. He spun around, looking for the source of the voice, then he found a figure sitting right next to the door with their back to the wall.

Dean took a shaky breath.

“Cas?”

Yes.

It was _Cas_.

Cas was _there_.

He finally _found him_.

Cas had his eyes fixed on the scene before him, the other Dean telling the other Sam to let him go, to not bring him back to life, then him taking his last breath.

Then the scene started again, the other Dean and other Sam fighting with those creepy mimes again.

“Answer me.”

Dean looked down at Cas.

Cas was looking up at him with such an exhausted and heartbroken expression Dean forgot to breathe for a moment.

“How much longer do I have to see this? Wasn’t it enough the first million times?”

Dean looked at the other Dean getting impaled again then back at Cas.

“It made you see this that many times?” he found himself asking.

Cas shut his eyes tight and dug into his hair.

“This again…” he muttered. “Playing tricks with me… You show up in his form only to break me more…”

Dean was about to get really sick.

“Cas.” He crouched down next to the angel and put a hand on his shoulder. “Cas, it’s me.”

Cas only shook his head.

“I won’t believe you. Not again.”

Dean was shaking. What kind of horrors had Cas gone through in here?

“Cas…” Dean’s hand sled up to the back of Cas’ neck, rubbing his thumb just under his hairline. “I am real.” Then after a pause he added. “We are.”

Cas froze under his hand. His fingers in his hair relaxed and he slowly, like he was afraid to see what he was hoping for, raised his head to look Dean in the eyes. For a while he just stared at him, eyes narrowed like he was trying to figure something out. He slowly reached out with his right hand, palm hovering until it finally settled on Dean’s left shoulder.

The change came in an instance.

“Dean?” Cas said like he still couldn’t believe it. He curled up his fingers, grabbing onto Dean’s jacket like he was afraid Dean would vanish at any moment.

Dean let out a relieved little laugh.

“Yeah, man. I’m here.”

Cas continued to stare at him with wide eyes. The scene behind them, the other Dean getting impaled again and again was completely forgotten.

“Come on.” Dean grabbed Cas’ arm and pulled him up with him. “We need to get out of here.”

Dean turned to walk out the door with Cas.

Only Cas didn’t move.

Dean turned back with a frown.

“Cas?”

The wonder, the hope, even the exhaustion was gone from Cas’ expression. His face was stubbornly neutral, making Dean fear that he would say he—

“I can’t leave, Dean.”

That. Right that.

“Of course you can leave. I came all this way to _pull you_ out of this goo and I’m leaving this place _with you_. And I’m not starting this argument. _Again_.”

He remembered Purgatory. How he’d seemingly convinced Cas to leave with him only for him to stay behind in the last moment.

He wouldn’t let that happen again.

“I made a deal with the Empty, Dean” Cas said. “I can’t leave. And I made peace with it.”

Dean’s grip got tighter around Cas’ arm.

“Really? Are you at peace with **_that_**?” He motioned with his blade towards other Dean taking his last breath once again. “You want to see this for an eternity instead of coming home with me?”

He more felt than saw Cas shuddering at his words.

“This is my atonement. For every mistake I’ve ever done.”

Dean stared at Cas for a long tense moment then let out that tension with a long exhale. Chuck had called Cas self-hating. And he really did hate himself for every little and big thing in the past. He’d seen it in the Empty, seen every memory, seen a broken angel praying for a God that never cared about him.

Dean took a step forward.

It was his turn to convince Cas to see himself in an other light, like he had done it for him.

“Why do you think you don’t deserve to be forgiven?” he asked with a gentle voice.

Cas slowly shook his head.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He took a step back. “I know where this is going and I’m telling you now to not bother.”

“Not bother?” Dean stepped after Cas, not letting him out of reach. “You think I came to this Superhell for fun? I worked for _a month_ to finally find a way to you, I’ll damn bother with it!”

Cas closed his eyes.

“Dean. Stop.”

“No.” Cas was stubborn but Dean was also stubborn. They could stand there all eternity and he wouldn’t still be convinced to leave Cas behind. Not again. Never again. “You saved me from Hell, you saved me countless times after that, so it’s my turn to save you now.”

His hand was on the back of Cas’ neck again as he stepped closer. So close the Dean fresh out of Hell would’ve run away as an embarrassed mess. But not this Dean. This Dean was past caring about false self images. This Dean had lost too many things, people and opportunities, to care about things like that.

“I never believed in happiness” he said. He motioned towards other Dean fighting with the evil mimes in the background. “I always thought I would die like that. On a hunt, fighting some monsters, saving some people. But as the world grew bigger around us, as higher and more dangerous beings started to pop up, along the way somehow I started to believe that there was an out. That there was something waiting for me outside this life, but I was too afraid to think about it. Because…” Dean adjusted his hand behind Cas’s neck. He closed his eyes as he prepared for what he wanted to say. “Who would want a broken excuse of a human by their side? Who would want anything to do with me? Not someone who is beyond human understanding, for sure.”

He felt Cas’ muscles tensing under his palm.

“But then… then you said all those things and I—”

“Stop.”

Dean opened his eyes.

Cas was looking down at his feet, his lips trembling.

“Stop it, Dean.”

“Why?”

Cas raised his head, finding Dean’s eyes.

“Because you’re only saying this to convince me to leave. This is not what you really want.”

Dean leaned even closer. He could fell every puff of air that left Cas on his skin.

“How do you know that? How do you know what I want?”

Cas was shaking now, trying to hold back the tears that started to gather in the corner of his eyes.

“I touched your soul, Dean. I rebuilt you piece by piece. I know every part of your being. Trust me, I know what you do and do not want.”

Dean let out a breath. They may have been true for that Dean in the past, still so young and still so convinced he needed to keep the false image of a hunter, of a man, his father believed in.

“People change, Cas” he said. “That’s what makes us human. We can go through Heaven or Hell, happiness or heartbreak, all the good and bad things destroy and rebuild us again and again until the day we die. Remember what you said to me? That I’d changed you? Well, you changed me in return. I became a better person because of you. I made you care about the whole world? Well, you made me care about it too. Not in a way that I would fight for it until my last breath, I would’ve done it anyway. I started to care about the small things, to look at it with wonder, to appreciate everything that surrounded me and not be ashamed for that. And because of you I finally started to believe that I’m a good person. That I’m worthy of the love that other people show me. That people can love me even with my imperfections. And you know what, Cas?”

Dean leaned in, touching his forehead to Cas’.

“Cas, you… You have me. I don’t know when it happened, if it was always there but I was too ignorant to notice it, or just too scared of it. But you had me for a while now. And I’m not leaving you here. That won’t happen.”

Cas took a shaky breath. Dean could feel him lifting his right hand, his palm getting so close to his face, almost touching it—

“YOU!”

They jumped away from each other. The scene of the other Dean and the other Sam froze like a paused movie and in the middle of the barn stood Meg. It took only a moment for Dean to realize it was not the real Meg. She’d been a bitch for sure, but not even she could make a maniac face like that.

“You have no place here!” the Empty hissed, it’s voice sounding like a roar. “Humans have no place here!”

“And I’m not planning to stay” Dean said. “I’ll just grab my friend and leave. We can then pretend we’ve never been here and go on with our lives.”

The Empty was heaving.

“No! He stays! He needs to suffer!”

Dean spun his blade in his hand and stepped in front of Cas.

“Sorry, no more suffering today.”

He didn’t know if he could really fight this entity. They had found nothing about it other than how to enter this realm. If this thing was really God level or stronger he had no chance against it.

But he couldn’t just turn his back and run away. He came all the way here to save Cas and he wouldn’t leave without him. They leave together or Dean would die trying. There was no other option.

“No more suffering?” the Empty pressed the words out threw its teeth. “There **_is_** suffering! When the angel woke up, I woke up, and it’s only getting louder and louder! If I have to suffer, he has to suffer with me!”

Dean adjusted his grip on the blade.

“I won’t let you hurt him anymore! I will leave this place with him! Even if I have to fight you!”

The Empty dug its fingers deep into its hair. It was snarling, swaying, like… like it had a bad migraine? Which was confusing to think. Why would an entity this old would have a—

“Why can’t you understand with that little brain of yours?! I just want to go back to sleep! And I can’t because it’s too. Damn. Loud!”

And Dean…

Dean just paused for a moment. To look at the creature in front of him. To take in everything that it was. What it was saying, what it was doing.

And Dean…

Dean lowered his blade.

“Is there a way we can help you?”

The creature stilled, the anger on its face melting into frustrated confusion.

“What?”

“What?” Cas asked behind him.

“Is there a way we can help you?” Dean repeated. “So you can go back to sleep?”

The Empty stared at him like he just grew a second head. Cas also stepped next to him with the exact same stare.

“Dean, what are you talking about?”

“It’s not evil” Dean said, turning to Cas. “The Empty has no hidden agenda. It doesn’t want to destroy the world or control it. It just wants to… to go home, in a sense. If you and I can also get frustrated when some outside force suddenly changes our whole lives then it can be too. Like how the angels fell. They were lost and scared and frustrated and angry, but they just wanted to go home.”

He saw the moment when Cas finally started to get it. He turned to look at the Empty, now with more understanding.

“You are scared” Dean continued, now speaking to the Empty itself. “You were dragged out of the place you always knew into this world. It’s confusing and scary and you’re lashing out on the one who caused all of this. You’re not doing this because you’re evil. You just want help.”

The Empty continued to stare at him, its hands still grabbing into its hair.

“Why would you help me? I took away your angel. You are his happiness and I took him away from you.”

Dean sighed and looked at Cas. That goodbye was burnt into his memory. He knew it would come back in his nightmares for years if not until the day he died.

But…

“In the past year all I wanted to do was to kill Chuck” he started, still looking at Cas. “To end this whole fuckery and finally break free of him. Jack took his power. He became the new God while Chuck became a mere human. And I had the opportunity to end him there. To kill that son of a bitch that made my life a living hell. But I didn’t do that. Because of the one person who always believed in me.” Cas finally looked at him, lips slightly parting at Dean’s words. “The one person who told me I deserved to be saved, that good things do happen to me. He told me I am caring and loving and not the killer everyone, including myself, believed me to be. And this… this is what defeated God in the end. Not the edge of my blade, but mercy.”

He held Cas’ gaze for a while, willing him to understand how much his words to him meant to Dean. How it impacted him and shaken him to the core of his very being. Because while his whole life was orchestrated by Chuck and his sadistic plans, Cas and the bond he had with Dean was the only real thing in all of that.

Cas’ eyes were shining as he looked at him. Dean now saw everything he should’ve seen much earlier or should’ve believed in seeing it. There was so much love, admiration and devotion in that one gaze that Dean was ready be burnt by the sheer intensity of it. He was ready to burn for an eternity if Cas allowed it.

“Why chose to fight when you can solve problems in an other way?” He now directed his words to the Empty. “You may be an entity older than I can imagine, but you also deserve a small act of kindness to help you. You also deserve to be saved.”

The Empty slowly lowered its hands. It was still staring at him in bewilderment , but it seemed to be calmer. More at peace.

“I…” it stated. It sounded weak, scared, like it was a child lost in the world. “I don’t know how you can help me. I was never awake. I never needed to go back to sleep.”

Okay, that was a problem. But there had to be a way, some hidden answer in the world.

“Let me and Cas return to Earth and we will—”

“No.” The Empty started to shake its head.

Dean frowned.

“What do you mean by no?”

“The angel died. His Grace belongs to me. He can't leave.”

“But I won’t leave without him” Dean countered. “And if I don’t leave, I can’t look for a way to help you.”

Dean and the Empty stared at each other, each waiting for the other to yield. But Dean was stubborn. He wouldn’t back off.

“Dean.”

Dean blinked and looked at Cas. Cas had this… determination in his eyes. The one that told Dean that he had a plan.

“Did you mean it?” Cas asked.

“Of course” Dean answered without hesitation. He’d meant everything he’d said. He would never take back any of his words.

“Do you trust me?”

Dean frowned.

What kind of plan had Cas come up with?

“Yes.”

Cas smiled at him.

Then looked at the Empty.

“Send him back.”

Dean had no time to react. At one moment he was still looking at Cas in the barn, and in the next he was falling backwards in the bunker, his back hitting the ground. He groaned out in pain at the impact then he was quickly sitting up, looking at the wall.

The portal was gone.

“Dean!”

Sam came in running, Eileen right behind him. He had a bruise on his cheek but he looked fine.

“What happened? You were away for days! Where’s Cas? Did you find him?”

“Sam” Eileen warned him. “Let him breathe.”

They were both crouching next to him, one at each side of him, waiting for him to answer.

“I…”

It happened.

_Again._

The one thing he didn’t want to happen happened _again_.

But it felt different.

This time it didn’t feel final.

There was still hope because…

“He asked me to trust him” he said.

And he began to wait.

*****

“Your human is stubborn.”

Castiel turned to look at the Empty. It was staring at him but it lacked the smugness and the madness Castiel came to associate with it.

“He can be” he agreed.

“Why did you ask me to send him back? Didn’t you want to leave with him?”

“Yes, I did. And I still do.”

Castiel started walking towards the Empty. On his way he took a glance at the frozen forms of that nightmare he had to leave through millions of times.

“You’re right. I can’t leave. My Grace is yours. But I won’t go back to sleep.”

The Empty rolled its eyes.

“Figures. You’re as stubborn as your human. No wonder you are so attached.”

Castiel stopped in front of the entity.

“I would like to make a deal with you.”

The Empty raised a brow.

“A deal again? Weren’t there enough deals for you?”

Castiel smiled.

“This one would be the last.”

Castiel raised his palm, looking down at it.

“I started to fall from Heaven the moment I raised Dean from Hell. They called me a broken angel, and after a while I felt like I didn’t belong to them. Like I never belonged to them. They may be my siblings, but my true family is with the Winchesters. Dean is my family.”

Castiel reached out towards the Empty.

“So I’m giving you my Grace. It belongs to you, as you said. And not having it keeps you awake. So I assume once it’s with you, you can finally go back to sleep again.”

The Empty eyed his hand for a while.

“Really? You would give up your Grace for a human?”

“It’s not really about giving it up for him” Castiel explained. “I do it for myself so I can truly be part of the place where I belong. And if Dean’s also part of it? Well, I would also gladly accept that.”

The Empty watched him, searching his face, then its lips curled up to a smirk. But it had no ill intentions. It seemed to be simply amused.

“You are something else, Castiel.” The Empty also reached out and took his hand. “No wonder they like you.”

Castiel frowned.

“Who are _they_?”

“There are beings beyond us, Castiel. Little voices that whisper into the void and weave into the fabric of this reality. They admire you, they always have. They are the ones who brought you back to life so many times.”

Castiel tensed. He’d always thought it was God who did that. But to think it wasn’t Him… To think that there were other things who could do the same as Him… What kinds of other creatures were out there controlling their lives?

“Are they the ones who control this now?”

“They never controlled” the Empty said. “They only… _fixed_. And who knows? It may be them whispering, but it may be the stubbornness of your human. We would never know.”

Castiel had so many questions to ask, but a sudden weakness took over his body. The warmth from all around his body travelled down to the palm that was touching the Empty.

His Grace was leaving him for one final time.

And the Empty itself seemed to be reaching an equilibrium with itself. Its eyes started to flutter shut, the face of Meg slowly fading away into nothingness.

“Yes…” it sighed. “It’s quite… It’s finally quite… Thank you…”

And Castiel’s eyes shut as the Empty melted back into the darkness and Cas started falling…

*****

It had been a week now.

Dean spent most of his time in the dungeon, looking at the wall, expecting a portal to open and Cas to step out of it. He didn’t know when that would happen and he didn’t want to miss it.

At first Sam and/or Eileen sat with him, reading a book, doing some research, but never trying to start a conversation with him unless Dean spoke first. Dean didn’t mind the company. It felt good not to be alone as he waited.

Because he knew Cas would be back.

He trusted him.

On the seventh day Sam and Eileen had to leave. There was a case about an hour away from them and they were the only hunters in the area. Dean nodded and told Sam to have fun with his girlfriend and look out for sneaky nails. Sam’s face couldn’t decide whether to turn red in embarrassment or be confused. Dean just waved to him and told him to be safe.

It had to be hours after Sam and Eileen left. Dean was sitting on a pillow on the floor with the book with the portal spell in his lap, looking for a way to make the Empty go back to sleep again. He’d read it several times in the past week, trying to find any hidden messages or codes but nothing came up. But there was still no need to worry. There were thousands of books in the bunker. One of them had to have the answer.

Dean was about to turn a page when a light breeze passed him. Dean straightened his back to look around. Did Sam forget to close the door? Could the wind from the outside reach the dungeons though?

Dean put a mark in the book and stood up to see what was going on.

He walked down a familiar path on the identical corridors. He passed bedrooms and the kitchen until he finally reached the library.

And he stopped breathing for a moment.

Because he feared the moment he took a breath this image would vanish.

Cas was looking down at the table closest to the entrance. His hands touched the tabletop, his fingertips following the lines carved into it.

“Hello, Cas.”

Cas looked up at him. His eyes softened and a smile grew on his face.

“Hello, Dean.”

There was… something different about him. He was the same Cas sure but… Dean couldn’t help but feel something changed.

“You got out?” he asked, still standing in the doorway, not daring to step closer.

“Yes. I gave the Empty what it needed to go back to sleep. My Grace.”

 _Ah_. That was the difference.

“So you’re human now?”

Cas nodded.

“And you’re okay with that?”

Cas looked down at his hands, curling up then relaxing his fingers. He then turned his eyes towards the table, looking at the names, the people who belonged to this family. And finally he looked Dean in the eyes.

“Yes.”

Maybe it was just the confidence in his voice. Or maybe the way he looked at Dean. Or just Dean getting impatient that finally, _finally_ , Cas was _back_ , Cas was _here_ , _Cas was home_. Whatever it was, Dean was right in front of Cas in a blink of an eye, hugging him like he was afraid the Empty or some other entity would take him away again. Because he couldn’t bear the thought of Cas leaving him again.

“I’m not going anywhere, Dean” Cas whispered into his ear, rubbing Dean’s back with one hand while the other pulled him closer.

Dean let out a startled little laugh.

“I thought you’re a human. Humans can’t read minds.”

“I just know you.”

Dean squeezed him tighter, burying his face into the crook of Cas’ neck, taking a deep breath and just… Enjoying that he was there with him.

“I meant it” Dean said after a while. “I really meant it. You have me.”

He felt Cas letting out a long breath. There were fingers in his hair, brushing it back, then he felt lips on the top of his head.

“And that makes me the happiest person in this world.”


End file.
